Down On Haley

You don't have to ride the straight and narrow
As long as you drive up in a Camaro

Tattoo parlor why don't you hang out
Let 'em show you what it's all about
We're gonna help you work it on out on Haley
Don't need no license don't need no subpoena
You can hook up with your favorite gina
Makin' fun if you know what I mean on Haley

You don't have to ride the straight and narrow
As long as you drive up in a Camaro
Goin' down down... on Haley

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Golfshirt

And when you're tired of all the jerks
And you're tired of all the work
And you're tired of being hurt
You will long for the comfort of my golf shirt

I'm not the one who was an old time punk rocker
I was listening to Rush and trying to feather my hair back
When all that stuff went down
I'm not the one who was in a high school hardcore band
I sat in my room scoring with Ms. Pac-Man

And when you're tired of all the jerks
And you're tired of all the work
And you're tired of being hurt
You will long for the comfort of my golf shirt

No tats, no piercings, no hats, no grunge beard baby, yeah

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Sorry

What can I do?
It's over it's over it's over it's over
What can I do?
I am the loser

Sorry I saw you and I heard birds sing
Sorry I touched you and I heard bells ring
Sorry I jacked off outside of your window
While you were sleeping, I thought you'd never know
Sorry I showed up at your wedding
Sorry I tried so hard to get in
Sorry I screwed up your picture
Sorry I had sex with your sister

What can I do?
It's over, it's over, it's over, it's over
What can I do?
I am the loser

Sorry we broke up, sorry I missed you
Sorry I wanted only to kiss you
Sorry I promised to love you forever
Made you feel guilty oh when you left me
Sorry I showed up at your dinner
Sorry I said those things to your father
Sorry I crashed through your window on acid
Sorry I made a mess
Sorry I bled to death

What can I do?
It's over it's over it's over it's over
What can I do?
I am the loser

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Easy Mark

And she rides that midnight train goin' anywhere
She's an easy mark

Yeah he... he's just a boy
Yeah he's a big city boy
Born and raised in South Detroit

And he catches that midnight train goin' anywhere
He's an easy mark

She lays down in the grass on Strawberry Hill
He is there smelling like nicotine and peanut butter
You gotta love her

Yeah she... she gets up off the floor
She says you can beat me all you want to
But I don't love you anymore
No I don't love you anymore

And she rides that midnight train goin' anywhere
She's an easy mark

I hate this world, this stupid world, this screwed up world
I hate this world, this fucking world

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Van Halen

Tomorrow may come
Tomorrow may never come again
Can't you hear Jamie cryin?
She's runnin' with the devil

I bought Women and Children First
Fair Warning and Van Halen II
Dance the night away
1984 my favorite record yeah I wore it down
Might as well jump

Tomorrow may come
Tomorrow may never come again
Can't you hear Jamie cryin?
She's runnin' with the devil

Is this what you wanted, Sammy Hagar?
Sammy Hagar, is this what you wanted, man?
Dave lost his hairline but you lost your cool buddy
Can't drive 55
I'll never buy your lousy records again
Again, again, again, never again...

Tomorrow may come
Tomorrow may never come again
Can't you hear Jamie cryin?
She's runnin' with the devil
Jump jump jump jump jump jump jump, might as well jump

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Diana

That's why he cried
He lost, he lost everything
That's why he cried
He lost it all
He lost it all to Diana (Diana)
Part German, part Hispanic
Diana (Filipino)
Diana, where did you go?

I saw her downtown
She was hanging with The Cougar
She was hanging out with Steve and that was where she wanted to be
She was workin' at the place where they sell veal parmesan
Now she's gone, now she's gone, yeah she's gone oh so gone

That's why he cried
He lost, he lost everything
That's why he cried
He lost it all
He lost it all to Diana (Diana)
Part German, part Hispanic
Diana (Filipino)
Diana where did you go?

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Nosering Girl

Nosering girl I love you
Nosering girl I want you I want you I want you

Yeah she had pretty hair and beautiful eyes
And a Dalmatian jacket (Dalmatian jacket)
And she was the kind of girl who you would give up eating meat for
No more salami
No more steak or potatoes
Yeah you would walk on down to the health food store
And buy hummus and tabouli and babaganoush and ricecakes ricecakes ricecakes

Nosering girl I love you
Nosering girl I want you I want you I want you

As it turns out, she was the cousin
Of the ex-girlfriend of my good friend Steve my very good friend Steve
But she didn't like me
She said I was a drunkard, an alcoholic, a weirdo, a freak (freak)

Nosering girl I love you
Nosering girl I want you I want you I want you

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Annalee

Here comes Annalee
Annalee yeah, here comes Annalee

Standing on the corner you see her cuttin' a deal
Windows rolled down you can't believe she's for real
She's the one it ain't no joke
She's got lips... lips just like Cherry Coke

Here comes Annalee
Annalee yeah, here comes Annalee

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You're Gonna Be The One Who's Sorry

You got a new girlfriend, a bitchin' new girlfriend
But she won't help you at all
Certified with the scene, she's a local rock queen
But that won't help you at all
You think that you've got it made but you've made one mistake
You're gonna be the one who's sorry

The free paper calls you a local celebrity
But that won't help you at all
You're such a big big deal you get in the clubs for free
But that won't help you at all
You think you've got everything but I've got news for you
You're gonna be the one who's sorry

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I Only Eat Candy

'Cause I only eat candy
I only eat sweets
Yeah I only eat candy my friend
I only eat Candy

I don't believe
No I don't believe in your corny old Jesus
And I don't worship Satan
No, not like Charlie and Steve, no no no

'Cause I only eat candy
I only eat sweets
Yeah I only eat candy my friend
I only eat candy
I'm angry!

'Cause I only eat candy
I only eat sweets
Yes I only eat candy my good friend
Oh I only eat candy
Yeah!
The longest... line

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