I Cannot

and then i tried what i know i couldn't do.
i got frustrated when i couldn't talk to you.
i had all these plans, but i couldn't follow through.
it's disturbing knowing that i'm losing you.
i cannot. i can't do anything at all.
and then i was who i never thought i'd be,
and when i spoke i was happy someone was listening.
with all these doubts i wonder how i made it.
with no help from you, i succeeded.

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Useless

no heart.
no time.
i can't even fucking try and speak.
a notion not of your own is only taken as a threat.
why won't you pay attention?
no hope.
no change.
it's like this every single day.
why talk when we could listen?
why do i bother going outside.
interaction is my first mistake...
i'm trying to be of use,
but how can i help if you keep telling me to get away?
can psychology reason your abusive mannerisms?
i don't have the time to pay sympathy to your tragedy.
high maintenance.
problematic.
if i'm the asshole why do you still call me?
this stupid fucking chase serves only to consume energy.

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Dying

i know myself.
i know i think i'm so sick of people and i don't know why.
see, i just don't have patience for them.
and i really think i can make it on my own... lies...
you hide words to keep from hurting me.
i would rather know the truth then be happy...
while you're smiling.
we're all dying. with every day that we go,
we're just getting old.
while you're dying.
we're all fighting.
with every day that we go...
i know better than to get caught up in words of boredom,
of no importance to me.
so why do these people keep talking?
when all i wanna do is hear myself...
the more i'm awake, the more i wanna sleep.
what a shame to want it that way,
but what a shame to be in this.
"your life is such a bore, and me i feel so fucking alive"
... LIES...
every breath uttered a self re-assurance.
i wouldn't trust me much if i were you,
but you choose...

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Ballad Of A Traitor

thanks for being a fuck.
i hope you drowned in your own vomit.
you really proved yourself to me,
and you really gave me something to remember you by...
i guess i changed a lot through the eyes of a jealous mind...
i won't forget your dumb face.
and to think all this time you were just a fake,
for the sake of humanity kill yourself and that would tide me over fine...

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Alright

i'm uncomfortable with myself,
and your put-downs just do not help.
the outcome is i feel like shit.
don't you know when to quit?
and i am not doing alright...
i always end up feeling bad.
so why don't you get off my back?
if i knew that this is what friends were for,
i'd never made any.
none of this makes sense,
they don't support me because they're too busy judging.
it's all so unimportant.
it makes me feel sorry for them.

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Panic

i got this clot that says that i can't do a thing,
and it kills me that what i love i can't do.
my mind is torn,
my life is smashed up.
and i know it's right and i feel it's time to kill...
i'm in panic because i can't breathe...
i have this feeling in my gut to the point of nausea and i feel so,
so fucking empty.

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Life Sucks

woke up today, won't be the same,
I'll cope with this flaw that's my life
and that's ok it's not depressing it just takes a little work.
i try a little harder,
try a little harder than everyone else...
i don't want your pity.
i'm happy with what i am.
if you don't like how i act then you don't have to be around me.
if i could just grow up then everything would be just fine.
why does my life suck?
today i broke a mirror with some grace.
seven years of bad luck don't seem so bad.
just an extension of what i already had.

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Stop The Bus

i'll always have that weak spot
and you'll always hit me there.
and i know, i know, i know you'll use it against me...
why do you wanna ruin what i got?
because you've never done anything.
so let's trip over that speedbump just so that we can say we did it.
i know we'll quit then...

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13

heartbroken,
i watched the rain beat on the sidewalk.
complete with grey skies and headlights
and puddles on the sidewalk,
everybody's ruined like me...
it's weird now, when i look back.
each day spent careful is still consumed over time.
i think it's worse to be aware
and know this change than to go on every day unknowing...
i'm having trouble with realizations.
why does it have to be a regretful mess.
if i could have one day back now,
i swear i'd use it well...
oh 13, where did you go?
you're gone when i needed you the most.
i know that from here it's downhill.
make the best of a slow death. people change, yeah.
and that can never be good.
i liked it that way, why did you stray?
maybe i'm unhealthy.
oh won't you stop and stay frozen in time with me...

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Lucky

waking up every day in the same bed for nine long years and it all goes by.
i'm glad with what i got so you won't hear one word of regret coming out of my mouth.
i've wasted so much goddamn precious time worrying and complaining.
i'm so spoiled my eyes sewn shut.
i thought i was caught in a rut,
but i'm in no danger.
yeah, i'm lucky.
some people are more dull than me.
i'm so afraid of turning into a blank face.
did you get lost on the drive?
how does it feel to be completely unnerved by the repetitive pounding of every day?
and every fucking day you're doing something,
how does it feel to go nowhere?
where will you be 15 years from now?
because accomplishments are nothing but instant gratification.
and were all gonna rot...

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Numbskull

don't look at me you idiot.
your evil eyes and your sneer don't make me feel like shit.
go back to where you belong,
where you can be amused by your empty-minded peers...
why anyone likes you.
no one will ever know.
what the fuck are you gonna do?
i hate the way you are...
you are a numbskull.
yeah, you.
and everyone knows it...
you're like a joke that every one keeps repeating.
it goes on and on and it's far past it's meaning.
i'm tired of dealing with you,
i'm tired of looking at you...

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Two Faced

so how was i supposed to know that people are evil naturally?
all the time we shared.
it's like it wasn't there.
that we didn't exist.
emotions were shit.
i'm pissed that you,
you were so selfish...
take a look at myself and realize i'm just like you.
that's maybe why i hate myself inside
because every stupid thing that i do reminds me of what,
what i learned from you...
you are not who i thought.
looks like you're two-faced like the rest.
now just to spite you i destroy the things that you hold dear.
everything you hate makes me feel great
and i feel so good when you draw a tear.
so i'm out of line, but i tell you i don't care...
i will find you and show you how i'm happy you're gone.
when you're feeling down.
don't turn around,
because i'll hit you when you are hurt the most
and then we'll see who's the real friend...

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Fuck Me

do what you want just go home.
i'd take advice coming from anyone but you.
don't see how you could say that shit.
no matter what things will always stay the same.
i can't think clear with you by my side.
you make me disturbed and i act all uptight.
i think i could do without the stress,
so why are you here?
i think you pry too much.
i think you hear what your ears are not to hear.
i think you need to stay the fuck away from my friends.

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Asshole

i guess you don't understand.
you meant a lot to me.
more than you think...
you are now where i was then.
how the fuck does it feel?
it's a pity because i tried so hard.
and now that you want to whatever's convenient for you...
when i needed you most,
you hung up the phone.
what kind of friend would leave me alone?

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Someday

i shout so listen.
actions always uneffective.
one last try before giving up.
this cycle i'm caught in fucks me up,
why does this happen?
when i reached up for air,
i felt nothing, so i sank...
someday i will be just fine.
so if it's all in my mind,
why can't i ignore it?
the things they say can be fixed are fucked up things that just exist.
you can't control the things out of your hands,
so don't even try...
nothing ever turns out right...
to trust i guess i learned the hard way.
don't believe anything they say to me.
don't forget what you've done to me,
i won't let it get to me.

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Falling Apart

i knew this fit together too perfectly.
i struggled with some problems that were made by me.
i knew it was too good to be true.
so why am i not surprised it started with you?
why are you so difficult?
i only wanted you there and no one else.
i'm getting tired of these moods.
and no, i don't follow you.
it all fell apart right in my hands,
and i'm waiting for you to change your mind again.
though i'd like to be happy all the time.
dave would like to think otherwise.
it wasn't about fun,
as it changed for the worst,
and you fought no one.

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Shitface

hey shitface.
weren't you the one who told me i couldn't do anything?
hey shitface.
weren't you the one who put me down?
isn't it funny that you're still around?
i find it awkward that you're here now.

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Radio

you're all i've got.
i explained to electronics and it understood.
the fucking radio takes my mind off of everything...
tonight i'll stare at everything and see nothing,
and i can't believe that this is me.
pitch black and no one isn't that what i always wanted,
and it's been all i've had for so long,
it'll be all i need until the day i die...

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