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Close to See
A cup of two day old coffee feeling like yourself again You're still on your own You've spent another night In this dingy room with the same four walls lookin' in the mirrors gettin' easier these days that old friend anger is losing its hold on you The game is survival in this crazy world and it's good to see you're still standing strong not too long ago you were tearing at a world that would never let you in strung out, outcast turned away you kept your face to the ground and fought the world with your silence and so the seasons change and the people change and the good times come and the good times go found yourself in a winless race fighting for a cause you never believed its easy to regret not so easy to forget all the stupid things that used to old you down you gotta brake that chain and move on cuz I know I've seen it in your eyes before to surrender now to throw it all away is to sacrifice but you can't repay in a world that don't owe you shit you gotta think for yourself and fight every bit of that piece of mind that keeps you going on gets you outta bed and out that door step back take a look around and soon you'll find there's something more that'll come your way with a little patience it will all work out for you in the end this is my song to a friend that never needed anyone until now some times you get too close to see a different side of what life could be and if you stare too long it all becomes a blur and its easy to forget just who we are don't stare to hard, just take a look around...
Exhumation of Virginia Madison No one knows where I buried my sweet Virginia Madison the winter chill falls over me and keeps me numb inside under the soon by the edge of town she quietly waits for me I promised it wouldn't be too long till I returned to sleep with her she says she don't wanna live no more well I don't mind no I don't mind so now I'm waitin' for the crack of dawn to head on back there to the place where me and her will always be now I got my Sunday vest and I'm headed out that door dig my fingers deep in soil just to get to her all dressed in black and she's so pale she's waiting there for me a blanket of soil covers us to fall asleep for eternity and now I close my eyes when I awake with a snap it was all a dream I gotta empty bottle of something under me I gotta really bad headache my blankets are soaking wet at times like this I wish I hadn't slept star locked gaze, uneasy hands then the dream fades away and leaves my head another riddle another dream another fucked up fantasy gotta learn to stay away from all this TV She said she would always wait for me Well I don't mind, No I don't mind so now I'm heading to the place where I buried my sweet Virginia Madison
Well this god damn car is broken down again looks like I'm sleepin' in the back and I'll be dreamin' of a better place only to call you in the morning with the same excuse again by the side of the freeway watchin' all the cars go by I think tomorrow will be the day I get my shit together and give up this crying game I've been here before I know I'll be here again I don't know why but it don't feel the same For one moment I can see clearly the weight of the world don't seem so bad then I find myself here right back where I started from again indecision's no solution the days that lay ahead so I begin to scramble in my head for the answers only to find myself shutdown by the same mistakes again lookin over my shoulder for the things that pass me by I know that tomorrow will be the same I'll find a new excuse to make the same mistakes again I've been here before I know I'll be here again so many wasted hours so many wasted intentions I beat myself up to survive I've got bullet proof feelings to stay alive If I could only find the time If I could only find a reason If I could only run this last leg first time around I wouldn't be stuck in another mess In another realm with the same old stress
It's four o' clock the t.v.'s on my mind is shut off and my own thoughts are gone I change the channel I change my mind I change my life I want to leave it all behind cause I don't have a mind of my own I am influenced by everything I see and I can't help it now everything in my life just thinks for me can't help this habit I'm in love with my disease worshiping my idle time a life I cannot seize trapped by depression and I sleep all day but zanax, valium, attavan makes it all ok it's so much more than a cry for attention no loving hands can soothe this ache so much more than a war with the world it's my own degradation it's my own self hate I preach my pessimism right out loud to anyone who'll listen I'm not afraid to be alive I'm afraid to be alone late at night my monsters find me from under the bed or right out of my past all alone with nobody to talk to sanity gets put to the test I close my eyes but I'm still haunted sometimes I get too twisted to sleep as all my world crumbles all around me inspirations become admissions of defeat cause I don't have a mind of my own everything in my life just thinks for me
I never had a reason to believe in anything I never had a cause that I could fight for I never had too much of anything to call my down a drunk mother and father of four all my life I grew up watchin' others dreams come true and how I waited for my day in the sun every day I worked harder and I got further in debt till I realized that day was never gonna come your written off lost cause sold us down the river got no hope to offer us tore down without grief what's a generation without a reason to believe they tore down all my walls and then they made all my hatred a crime debilitating us with all their complacency our thoughts become mundane our generation thinks the same our minds anesthetized by apathetic t.v. No wars to fight steel bridges won't burn the beliefs we uphold are lies we never learn the only hope for the future leaves us reason to grieve what's a generation without a reason to believe
I find myself here once again under clouds of indecision reflections looking right through me I can't believe the lies we tell ourselves the music used to be everything the music used to heal but business soon becomes reality and nothing left inside is real dysfunction's all that we see true allow my best to see this through got nothing left to give you now I gotta find a better way See our anger shining through At the crossroads in our way turned against each other with the games we all like to play looking straight ahead It's hard to see things eye to eye not at all what it used to be something that I can't deny and now I leave it up to you allow my best to see this through got nothing left to give you now I gotta find a better way before I lose another part of me Now I can't watch What the world went wrong The moment is gone the machine is grown This track has drug me down, We're what we used to be Running from a curse that we thought we'd never see You cut me out but I cut you in I see you again and it's just a road
A look of discontentment fills your hazel eyes as I ask for the millionth time what's goin' on? you seem to be confused about just where you stand with me tonight as we tear apart all that wasn't lost to another fight and so we turn against each other once again you run and I go hide talkin' to myself again bout all the things I should've said and I wait for you I wanna know where this is going and do we still have a chance to save what we haven't lost again I made a promise to myself not to let this go but now I need to see this through to burn these paper walls of doubt My fucked up head is spinning round and all my thoughts just keep me down here on your doorstep I'm drunk again I know you're sick of all my shit and I know you wanna end all this so tell me right now where do you stand? I know your tired of this waiting game and I know your tired of all my ways I know your tired of it all just tell me now I wanna know where this is going and do we still have a chance to save what we haven't lost inside all these paper walls we build and all the ashes that have spilled get in the way
I can feel the murky grip of a cold depression comin' down I can feel her hands around my neck shake me to the ground ice burn of the soul in light in sickness and in death infected every word and every thought and every single breath twisted by design the creeps deep inside of me feedin off this hunger, rage and the insecurity tempted by the rage I feed off nothing but myself thirsty for the things that make me do this to myself my pen is dripping words along to scrape the smile off my face every detour leads me here to shower in this waste you are my friend but now your just living all over me You watch me when I get it right you watch me when I fall Watch me every single day listen to everything I say and I swear I never wanted you I never needed anything from your twisted fucked up lying words asleep at the wheel.
One o one point one Fahrenheit To some it's a fever, to her it's just right and I can't hold her and it's bringin' me down her blood runs hot but her heart beats cold a devil with an angels face I've been told I think I'll press my luck next time you're around I'd walk through fire for you I'd burn in hell to make it all true I never loved anyone else in this world but you a thousand reasons why I try to prove to you I'm not the other guy I don't give a damn what other people think a flare for the strange and a temper like a whip a soft hand clutches a riding crop grip smell of latex rubber drives me insane beat him once then send him on his way there's no room in your life for anyone to stay engrave your moniker in welts of pain there's nothin I wouldn't do to prove to make these words I promised true I'd rather live my life alone than without you you know I'd rather die then to fuck this up wouldn't get another try got one chance there's nothing I wouldn't do you be my master I'll be your servant on my knees I beg to be abused You can take the skin right off my back with a riding crop or a leather strap I'd take it all just to be with you I'd walk through fire for you I'd burn in hell to make it all true I never loved anyone else in this world but you a thousand reasons why I try to prove to you I'm not the other guy Your my goddess I'm sent to worship you
Grey sky man is talking to the sidewalk once again your perfect vision of the world it goes unheard as the rain falls down on your head it slips inside the cracks of another fruitless day here in the land of King Alvarez you're losing once again it's getting harder to survive when the world that's all around you just don't seem to care and the universe you've built for yourself is caving in right on you and the streets are getting colder then they used to be these days and now I see you walkin' down the boulevard alone and your screaming at the top of your lungs all night and I wonder to myself how did you get to be this king without a throne its just another sunny day here in the land of Babylon to see the things that no one sees to hear the lies that no one tells its getting lonely in this place gettin tired of it all I've wondered to myself how many times he's cracked inside Screaming at the top of your lungs and now The voices in your head keep getting louder With the passing of each day It's getting harder to go on I don't know what you don't know You wouldn't play that game the same You wouldn't play that game at all as the rain falls down on your head it slips inside the cracks of another fruitless day here in the land of Alvarez
I'm not asking for that much I only want the truth when you tell me how you feel I'm not gonna play the games that make you feel like shit I'm not asking for the world How many times must we tell each other lies and separate our lives I wonder what went wrong I'm not askin' for that much Just open honesty I'm not askin' for the world when were young it's only fun it's just the chances that you take now we're grown up and we're fucked up and we make the same mistakes we keep repeating the same beating like it's not a choice to make and then we're lying and denying what we won't refuse to change I feel like I've been through so much shit so many dysfunctional relationships that I don't know what to feel anymore I'm not asking for that much just be real with me I'm not asking for the world
Another desperate call you're not around I got a head so full of worry cuz you're nowhere to be found displaced and out of order I've been down on my hands and knees so many nights crawling around this place for days well I know you heard me say it all before I can bleed myself so many times before I start to doubt but this time I'm gonna let it go you're way too far away and I got too much that I wanna say and now I'm hangin on to every word I never said to you here in this phone booth guess I'll wait around and pay my dues tonight I got a new best friend chemical inebriation I'm passin time without you all alone I was never one for patience I was never one for trust I'm a little bit neurotic so ignore me if you must this brain of mine won't let me let it go I'm not gonna let you get away I got too much that I wanna say
I want your misery I want you to be what I hate in me I wanna make you twist your mind so you can be just like me you got a lot that you try to hide you need a hand to reach deep inside of you I don't think I like you now but I will when you're someone else Metamorphosize wanna make you ride inside my eyes I wanna make you play those games with me this perversion waits inside for you tortured visions of yourself here on display gotta moment and I'll tell a lie gotta secret that can't deny I don't want somebody else wanna make you destroy yourself then I want you to take it out on me I don't care about the things that make us different I'm gonna make you change and you'll see yet that I can do all his cuz I got no self esteem I'm not gonna tell you lies I'm unhealthy and dysfunctional it's no surprise that I can't wait to make you just like me
I can see it in your eyes
I can hear it in your voice the signs are obvious that all we had has run
its course and I don't mind giving up the upper hand in this little charade
cuz I've spent too many nights here on the floor waiting for something
inside you to change don't look back in anger now is all that you can say
cuz angers all I got to keep me warm when you're away and I know that this
is nothing new but tonight is all I know disconnect myself from your memory
and never feel anything at all and all your words and all your actions
don't mean anything to me cuz I've cut you off so here we stand and face
each other we've got nothing to say a flashback to another time when silence
was a welcomed friend now I'm sorry I can never really say all the things
goin on inside my head silence is a justified expression of my war now
nothings like it was before Don't look back in anger its just a memory
its easy to forget your face and it's easy to survive in this place without
you without you I just comb my hair and wash my face keep straight ahead
and keep my pace don't think about nothing I might never be alright well
I got my friends I got my pen I got a million distractions to keep me warm
and I all I know is that it will be alright.
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